Despite my love of humiliation play based around my size, I do get insecure about the way I look from time to time. My body is bigger than I’d like, and it doesn’t always allow me to do the things I want, or to do those things for as long as I’d like. There’s times I look at my body and just see soft, squishy fat.
But other people don’t see me that way. And that has come as something as a shock!
On both of the sites that I cam on, I’m listed as a BBW (and have occasional comments that I’m “too skinny” to be in that category), but on one site in particular, I’m beginning to pick up a following of people with a fetish that I’d never considered myself as filling before. I have an increasing audience of muscle fetishists.
Now, I’ve never advertised myself as muscular. But one person I did a show for left me a “calves” tag, which brought a few others in. One of them left me a “muscular calves” tag, which brought more people in. And one of them left me a “biceps” tag. And it all seems to have gone on from there.
The first few shows I did for people wanting to see my muscles felt very strange, I felt like a fraud. Looking at my body, I often only see the soft layer of fat, not the muscles underneath. But the more of these shows I do, the more I appreciate my muscles, and the way they look. The more I flex my biceps, the more I’m reminded that although it doesn’t always work how I would like, my body is an amazing, powerful thing.
I may still not fully understand the fetish for looking at muscles, but I definitely am beginning to get off on people wanting to watch me flex my muscles. Feeling my own strength, watching my muscles change as they go from relaxed to tight. Looking at my thighs, and not seeing them as flabby, but as powerful weapons I could use to wrap around someone, hold them in place.
It seems unlikely I would have started viewing myself in this way if I hadn’t gotten that first “calves” tag, so I am really glad that someone, whoever it was, allowed me to start on this path of self discovery!