Headshaving – Before

When I first started performing in porn, I had two big fantasies, two big things that I knew I would do at some point before I stopped being in front of the camera. Those two things were breast suspension, and headshaving. The first happened some years back now, one of those moments where everything came together and it was just The Right Time (as far as I can remember, I wasn’t actually even booked to perform that day, but a last minute model cancellation left me to step in).

The second was more difficult to do. It would leave a visible sign afterwards, for quite some time. Something that wouldn’t be easy to hide, and would potentially raise a lot of questions. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to do it until I was sure that I would be able to face those questions, to face the looks of strangers, the judgement from people I knew.

In the beginning, the fantasy was just that, a fantasy. Something I would think about, something that would happen “sometime”, but it was in a far off future that I didn’t need to plan for just yet. But over the past couple of years, I began to think about it more seriously. Telling a few people here and there that it was something I was planning on doing. Discussing some possible scenarios, and putting very vague time frames on the idea. “I want to do it in the spring, so that it’ll grow back in a bit before winter.”

But then, it stopped being something that was going to happen sometime, and became something that I wanted to do soon. By the beginning of this year I had a vague plan forming, and started putting things into action. I knew who I wanted to do the scene with me – Pandora and The Boss. Pandora wasn’t going to be available in the spring, so we all tentatively put “late May” in the diaries. I announced my plans publically, inviting anyone who wanted to shoot me with long hair, to book me before then.

Now, the whole world knew (or, at least the parts of it who read my twitter and fetlife), there was no backing out. As the time got closer, the story began form in my mind, and I went through a rollercoaster of emotions. I told my family, who all told me not to do it. I told my friends who mostly told me to do it and it would be awesome. A very kind friend even donated the clippers to do it with. I was worried that having short hair wasn’t going to suit me, that loosing my now trademark red curls would be a stupid business decision, that I wouldn’t feel like me when it was all done.

When the clippers arrived in the post (hello, and thank you M, if you are reading this!), a couple of days before the shoot date, I had a moment of incredibly conflicting emotions. I was scared, worried that I was going to look like a fool with no hair. But I was also incredibly horny. I never thought I’d have quite such a physical response to a bit of hairdressing equipment!

The night before the shoot, Pandora arrived, and I was very greatful for her precence that evening. We talked through the details of her part of the scene, “wouldn’t you like a warmup of some kind first?”, “No, I want this to count. I want to go straight in with a cold caning”, and then, surprisingly, I managed to get a good night’s sleep. 

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