The Top Who Wasn’t

The following is a guest post that I feel honoured to share, but before I do I want to try and explain what this post means to me. You see, it’s a beautiful blog post written for me by The Chap, about a particularly special night we spent together over the holidays. It talks about some amazing, boundary pushing sex we had, and how he felt about it, during and after. And I am feeling a little shy about sharing it.

I’ve talked a lot on this blog about all the kinky fun I’ve got up to. I’ve talked less about the sex I have, especially recently. This is mainly because the people I’ve been having sex with haven’t wanted me to blog about it, and I totally respect that. But it’s become habit now, and it’s a habit I want to break out of.

Sex is a big part of my life and my relationships, and I’ve always wanted to share everything I get up to on here, and in my site, so to kick it off, here is the most explicit account of my sex life I’ve published so far!

The Top who wasn’t

or “Adventures in Kink with Nimue”

So, before we start, a little background. I’m a friendly, genial chap who somehow ended up hooking up with Nimue Allen.
I’m still not sure how, as I’m pretty much the poster child for Vanilla White Geeky Guy; I guess she saw something in me I didn’t know was there…

So by this point, we’ve had quite a bit of sex, but we’ve talked far more than we’ve fucked. It’s been a lot of fun, in both cases. We’ve got to a point where we both know what each other is into, and we both trust each other rather a lot.
Now, I’m a guy who was raised a pacifist. Hitting anyone is just intrinsically wrong, and you very specifically Don’t Hit Girls. I have learned however, slowly and carefully, that I have it in me to strike Nimue. I trust her, I know that she will stop me if I do something she’s not okay with, and that if I get something wrong, she will correct me without it feeling like I’m some kind of criminal.
The fact that when I slap her tits, she moans and wriggles and clearly wants more helps a lot. I’ve learned that my comfort zone extends a lot further than I thought it did, into some very fun places, but I’d never think of myself as a Top. Everything we’ve done, Nimue has been the driving force. Maybe I’ve slapped her tits, but it’s because she told me to. Sure, I’ve bitten into her shoulder and left marks that last for days, but only because when I do she melts into me and pushes back into my mouth.

Then it all got a bit different.

One evening, I asked Nimue what she wanted to do.

She looked at me, and she grinned.

“Do you trust me?”
“I want you to take this rope, and tie me up with it, and then I want you to do whatever the fuck you want to me until I’m begging for your cock. Can you do that for me?”
“You know what, I think maybe I can.”

Now it may not surprise you to know, I was a boy scout. I’m comfortable with rope, and I know my knots. It was easy enough for me to tie her hands with a knot which, if she pulled on them, would only tighten, but if she let them go loose, the rope would almost fall off on its own. This was important to me. I needed to know that if she wanted to stop, if she needed to run away, she could. To me, it meant that everything I was doing was with consent. I didn’t feel I had it in me to take that away from her. I tied her thus, and I grabbed a blindfold and put it on her. Whatever I did next, I didn’t want her to see it coming. To be fair, right then, I didn’t know what was coming either.

I started off with a passionate kiss, the kind that leaves you breathless, the kind that leaves you panting and wanting more, and then I gently, oh so gently, kissed down her neck, down her arm, all the way to nibbling lightly on the inside of her wrist. She moaned, she had expected an attack of ferocity and lust, but all I was giving her was the gentlest and lightest of touch. I wanted her to know I loved her. I wanted her to know I was going to take my time. I kissed the palm of her other hand, took her index finger into my mouth and sucked it powerfully, drawing it into my mouth as far as it could go. A light gasp. This seemed to be working. I worked my way up her arm, still the lightest of kisses, and then I traced my tongue around her nipple, staying away from the sensitive bits, deliberately denying her the most erotic sensations. I did this to both breasts, and them I suddenly grabbed both of them and squeezed. At the same time I sucked as much as I could of her breast into my mouth, biting gently, flicking the nipple with the tip of my tongue, sucking hard, and then quickly doing the same to the other one. All of a sudden I had a Nimue with two bright red nipples I could have cut glass with, and I could feel her crossing her legs underneath me…

I released her breasts, and she let go of the breath neither of us knew she had been holding. I blew lightly on those angry red nipples and she sucked her breath in again, another light moan escaping her lips. A good start, I thought. I had been gentle with my kneading, but insistent with the biting. For some added surprise, I smacked the flats of my hands straight down on top of those angry nipples. She couldn’t help but give a sudden gasp and a moan… I dragged my nails down her sternum and across her belly, and pushed her mound firmly down on the bed before taking both hands and gently spreading her legs.

“Have I told you you’ve got a gorgeous cunt before? How could I, I’ve never really got a good enough look…”

And with that I took the first two fingers of each hand and spread those lips as wide as I could, stretching them out, splaying them so that anyone nearby could see, though there was only me to enjoy the view. I sat there admiring her just long enough for her to feel properly exposed, and then I got in close and got my first really decent close-up view of her innermost places. Damn fine view it was too, I can tell you. I breathed in her delicious smell, and then I very deliberately breathed out, with my face no more than a centimetre from her. She twitched and moaned – I had to hold her legs apart.

“Hmm, bloody gorgeous. You’re slick as hell as well – anyone would think you’re horny.”

This elicited a certain rumble from the back of her throat, the hungry growl she makes when she wants more and doesn’t think she’s getting it fast enough. I happen to rather like it.

I dipped the tip of my tongue in right at the base of her sopping slit, released her folds, and gently dragged it up until it was sat nicely on her clit; I had to push her legs down as I did so, as she tried to bring herself up to meet my gentle tongue. I sucked her clit into my mouth, and worked at it until I could hear that tell-tale quickening of breath that meant she was about to come. I pulled my mouth off, made exaggerated lip-smacking noises and sat back, declaring glibly,

“Yup, still my favourite flavour.”

Another, slightly more frustrated growl. I kissed the inside of her knee, and worked up her leg, nibbling gently as I went, until I ended up nipping ever so slightly at the tendons right where they went across to her torso. It hurt, she gasped, and then she wriggled. She loved it, and we both knew it. I kissed my way back up her torso, and then kissed her gently on the lips. She was whimpering, but that wasn’t what I wanted. That wasn’t what she asked for. Time to start properly teasing. I kissed her more aggressively, and as I did so, I pressed the head of my cock against her clit, and she moaned into the kiss, pushing her crotch up to meet mine. Now, I love Nimue dearly, and I’m sure I could have fucked her right there and then, and a good time would have been had by all, but I think she deserves better. More than that, I think I can do better. Also, it turned out I was having fun. I moved up and down a bit more, enjoying the moans, and loving feeling her gyrating against me, trying to get me to slip in.

I sat back, and I grabbed some lube. She strained against her ropes and whimpered,

“Please… Please fuck me.”

I laughed. That wasn’t begging. That was just asking. That didn’t count.

“Not yet hon. You’re not nearly horny enough, and I’m having far too much fun.”

I got my hand nice and slippery and then I started playing with her clit. Oh so gently, the lightest of touches, tiny circles in just the way she likes it, then just as she was starting to get properly into it, I turned my hand round and slid a single finger into her, all the way in, bent it slightly and just held it there, waiting for her to adjust to the sudden change in gear. I placed my other hand on her mound and held her down as she wriggled her hips and I got that delicious growl in the back of her throat again. Moaning is one thing, but when Nimue is getting properly horny, she starts getting demanding. Usually I love it, usually it makes me give her everything she wants on a silver platter, but not tonight.

I got her to the point where she was getting into it again, then I pulled out again and just gently rubbed the palm of my hand against the outside of her, pushing her down and moving up to kiss her once more. I went for the nipples again, they seemed to have got bored, so a quick suck, a sloppy lick, and a gentle blow on each and they were both paying attention. I sat back on my hells on the bed and quipped,

“I never knew teasing could have quite this effect on you. You know, I’ve half a mind to go downstairs and stick the kettle on just to see what happens.”

“Don’t you fucking dare!” she growled.

I jumped off the bed and stood with my feet flat on the floor, I calmed my breathing, and I said in a quiet, measured voice,

“Try me.”

I was joking. Well, I was mostly joking. After all, I really like tea. That time of night, preferably Earl Grey with just a tiny splash of milk to take off the bitterness, but I digress.

The result was truly remarkable, for both of us. I realised I was serious, that if she kept playing up, I was going to stop everything, and go make a cuppa. Somehow, Nimue knew I was serious as well. In the space of a lame joke and an unexpectedly serious reply, all of a sudden we were somewhere else.

With no further words, I calmly got back to work. Two fingers, then three, each time taking her to the edge, each time stopping just before she got the release she was increasingly desperate for. Don’t get me wrong, I was still enjoying myself, but now I was taking it seriously. What had just before been ‘Let’s play around with some rope and see how worked up I can get her.’ had become something else, and somehow we both knew it. Each time I took her to the edge with my fingers, I went back up and kissed her, pressing my cock against her crotch, letting her know how hard I was, how much I wanted her, but that I had somehow found a way to put all that to one side. As I finished thrusting my hand in and out of her for the last time, and was gently patting her mound down affectionately, something let go in Nimue. She had been demanding my cock for some time, with that delicious growly voice that I love so much, trying to persuade me to fuck her, but all of a sudden she had gained a note of pleading…

“Please, pleasepleasepleaseplease, just fuck me, just let me have your cock, just put it inside me, you can do whatever you want, just please fuck me please…”

I don’t know how, but I knew I had given her what she wanted. She was begging for me to fuck her, to give her what she wanted, no, what she needed right then, and if I didn’t give it to her, I might actually do her some harm. That said, it triggered something in me. Something I didn’t know was there.

I quickly slipped a condom on, and I positioned the very tip of cock at her entrance. She knew what it was, and where it was, and she tried to come up to meet it, but my body weight held her down. I placed my lips right by her ear, and said gently so that she could only just hear.

“I know you want this. I know you want to give me your body. If you tell me to stop now, I will stop. We will cuddle, we will kiss, all will be fine. It is your choice. If you do not stop me, I am going to take you. I am going to fuck you, with no concern for you, with no thought for you. I will use you, and I will not let you come until I say. I will let go, and I cannot tell you I will stop once I do. This is the point where you can stop me. Do you want me to continue?”

She whispered in my ear that simple, plaintive word…


I hilted myself in one smooth stroke, and I was almost startled at how deep a breath she took in, and I paused, and said more confidently in her ear,

“You Will Not Come”

And with that I was away. I pistoned in and out of her such as I never have before or since, with anyone. I genuinely let myself go and just took her, used her for my pleasure. To this day I couldn’t tell you what she said, she had descended into a continuous babble of consciousness and I drove myself into her with no thought for he pleasure, or even if it hurt. If I were to guess it went something like


then I realised she wasn’t even talking any more. She was crying. She was letting go herself, giving over to being so utterly used and abused. Somehow, this spurred me on. I found I wasn’t just thrusting, I was ramming myself into her, my balls slapping against her. I wanted to spear her with my cock. I wanted her cunt to be sore in the morning. I wanted it to hurt in the best way.

I quickened my pace, and she started making great wracking sobs, crying out each time I rammed myself home with everything I had. Honestly, I was surprised I lasted as long as I did, but all of a sudden I was coming harder than I knew I could, and I growled low and predatory in her ear, marking my territory, taking my prize.

“Come. Fucking come round my cock. Do it now”

And holy hell she did. She nigh on shouted in my ear as she did, and I could feel her entire body bucking as she came. More than that, I could feel her spasming round my cock. Frankly, it was fucking glorious. I don’t know if it was because I had been so damn horny for so long, or because of the lovely rippling of her cunt around it, but somehow my dick hadn’t got the message that I was done – I was still hard as anything. Honestly, I was pretty close to exhaustion, but something in the animalistic back end of my brain threw caution and my aching muscles the the wind, and I kept going. Not for very long, but then just as I realised I was finally running out of steam, Nimue gasped in my ear,

“Please, let me come again…”

I had been working on the principle that once I had given her permission, it was all good, but apparently she was running off a different rule book. I decided this was a good moment. I gave one final thrust and then held myself as deep inside her as I could, as strongly as I could.

“Come. Come on my cock. Come all you like. Give me it all.”

She did. She really did. She drove her heels into my arse, pulled me in further, and her entire body shook. Hell, if I hadn’t just shagged her senseless I would have thought she was having a seizure. She came, she cried, she pulled me into her body with her legs and she cried some more. Her entire body relaxed and I relaxed into her. I’ll be honest, I didn’t have many other options, I was pretty much spent. However, there were important things to be done.

I pushed myself up on my hands, and I carefully kissed her tear-covered cheeks. I gently released her wrists from the rope, and I pushed up her blindfold, and I smiled as I looked her in the eyes. I asked her the question I have asked so many times after I have done something I thought might not have been okay.

“You okay there hon?”

She put her hands behind my head, pulled me down and kissed me. I am not too big to admit, I suddenly let go of the tightness in my chest that I hadn’t known was building, the tightness that said, what the fuck did you just do?

I pushed back up, and with a little moistness in my own eyes, I smiled again, and in a very small voice, I whispered to her,

“Thank you”

She smiled, and said the same to me. By some unspoken communication we ended up spooning, with my arms wrapped around her, hugging her close as she snuggled back into me. Then came the question I wasn’t expecting, the one I didn’t know how to answer, until I did.

“Am I a good girl?”

“You are the best girl. You are everything I could want and more, and I am not going anywhere.”

We snuggled, we slept. In the morning I made the tea, and we chatted about how I wasn’t allowed to claim I wasn’t a top any more…


I am prepared to admit that the events of that night ended up being rather emotional for both of us, and rightly so. That said, I found myself somewhat effected by the experience, and have been reflecting on it since.

Things to know about me: as mentioned, I am a pacifist. I genuinely have no desire to hurt anyone, though I have learned that pain can be fun, and I am capable of inflicting a little pain if that’s what’s going to get my partner where they want to be. I was raised to think that women should be placed on a pedestal, that they could say no at any time, and that if they did I should recoil from them, that if ever I were to cross that line then I was a terrible person, and almost a rapist. Consent, for me, is not so much big and clever, as utterly critical. It is my biggest hangup – not that I would ever want to do anything non-consensual, but that at some point I might do so by accident, because I haven’t understood where the lines are, because I have read the situation wrong, or in the worst case, that I might get carried away and not realise I was doing the wrong thing until it was too late. It was drilled into me at a young age that I should always be fearful of myself, of what I might do, that I might Get It Wrong and do something unforgivable. Thus I have always had to be in control, I have always had to be wary, I have always had to make sure I was Doing The Right Thing.

Then came Nimue. It was not by any means an overnight thing, but in Nimue I have found someone that I trust, in a way that I never have before. I know that we can play freely, and if I do something that isn’t her thing, then she will tell me, without recrimination or accusation, and we’ll do something else. I have been able to explore far more and further than I ever expected, and it is a gift that keeps on giving.

That’s all very lovely, but what made that night truly significant was this one thing. Right at the end, I let go. I accepted that here was someone who was not only prepared to let me use her, but actively wanted to be used. Someone who trusted me. Someone who genuinely wanted me to throw caution to the wind and have my wicked way with her, whatever that may be. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have to care about what they wanted, or about their pleasure, or about Doing It Right.. I still did care, very much so, but I didn’t have to. As it happened, what I wanted to do was pretty much exactly what Nimue wanted me to do to her, which was handy, but that wasn’t the point.

For the first time in my life, I could focus solely on my own pleasure. I didn’t have to second guess myself or maintain restraint.

For the first time in my life, I could have sex with the brakes off.

It is an experience which I will never be able to repay her for,

…except perhaps by doing it again.

Quite a lot, by the sound of what she’s said 😉

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