I’m feeling pretty yucky this morning, if I’m entirely honest. Had bad dreams just before I woke, and that always puts me in a delicate mood – the mood of the dream sticks with me all day and is difficult to shift, no matter what I do.
I’m still struggling with the lack of internet at home as well, it’s strange, even when I’m doing things that I don’t actually need the internet for (housework, editing etc) I feel horribly isolated and shut off from the world if I can’t have the radio on (my pc and laptop also serve as media centres – I don’t own a television or radio) and all my messengers and tweetdeck logged in. Sad, maybe, but I think I’ve just got so used to having that constant contact with the outside world, I cannot imagine functioning without it. Sure, I can do some stuff on my phone, but it’s not quite the same, and is very, very limited.
Am I a product of my age – always having to be plugged in and switched on? I always have to have something going on, if I’m editing photos, I have the radio on, if I’m doing the housework, I’ll have a movie or tv programme streaming on the laptop while I work.
I don’t know why, but I do know that it makes me less inclined to go home, more wanting to curl up in W’s arms on the sofa during the day, and in R’s bed in the evenings. Especially today, I want W to hold me and make the scary bad world go away, to make me feel safe and small and protected.