Once more, a post by Kaelah, over at Ludwig’s Rohrstock Palast (this post, if you want to check it out for yourselves), has inspired me to write a blog myself. This time, I’m not going to quote anyone out of context, but simply answer a question which was posed in the thread on Chross’s message board, which inspired her post. In answering this question, I am going to try to put aside the fact that this is something I do in my professional life, and answer as someone who enjoys this in their personal life, as a bottom.
The question was asked about why people enjoy “Lupus Style” punishments, and how they ended up playing at that level. For me, I didn’t start playing at a severe level, I started with relatively gentle spanking and caning when I first got into CP and bdsm. My interest in more severe play was sparked in my first long term relationship which the cane was a big part of, but it’s only in the past couple of years that I have actively explored this level of play.
One thing that I will say though, is that for me, it’s most definately NOT about punishment in any form. Last September I took part in a judicial style caning, where I was “punished” for certain things I had done, but in my head at least, the punishment aspect was just something needed to give the audience some context for the event.
I don’t play to that level often, some play sessions with The Boss over the past months have come close though, and for me, they are almost a right of passage, and on a certain level, very spiritual. Since I went to a workshop last year about BDSM and spirituality, I have realised that I often use the cane to travel the ordeal path to exctasy. There is a certain headspace that a severe caning can push me to which is unlike anything else. I’m not sure that I can explain it without it sounding really corny and cheesey, but it feels like I am flying, I’ve left my body and am just watching down over what is happening. I am full of energy, and amazingly powerful and strong. Afterwards, knowing that I’ve endured something that I never thought physically possible, I have learnt a lot about myself. I’ve learnt that I have much more inner strength than I give myself credit for, and it makes me feel more able to take on whatever life may throw at me.
I don’t always play to this level – it is something that draws me at certain points in my life, and I still get pleasure from a non-severe otk spanking, and do find myself over The Boss’s knee on a fairly frequent basis for a bottom warming!
I’m not sure if the person asking the question will ever get to read my response here, but it’s something that I’ve been wanting to write for some time anyways, and I hope that it does make sense to all my readers out there!