I’ve fallen into the trap before – looking at a picture on fetlife, showing a welted and bloody bottom after a hard caning and thinking “wow, that’s impressive, I wish I could do that”. It’s an easy trap to fall into, but why?
Why is that severe caning better, more impressive, something to strive for?
I’ve done a few scenes that could be described as severe, or extreme – a judicial caning, or breast suspension come into that category – and I know that is it not the sort of scene I want to do on a regular basis. They are definitely scenes I enjoy, but I have no desire to do them on a regular basis. Doing a caning that leaves me bleeding a little once a year is plenty for me, and I honestly don’t imagine I’ll do another breast suspension scene again ever. And I know when I’ve done those sort of scenes, and when I do them again in the future, they will push me to the limits of my tolerance, and beyond. That I will always walk away from those scenes knowing I’ve challenged myself, learned a little about myself, that I’ve not taken the easy way out, or had an easy time of it.
That’s an important element of severe scenes for me, that I am doing them because I want to be doing them. They are an experience that’s just for me. I’m not doing it to please anyone other than myself. Of course, I want the others involved to enjoy it, and if it’s being filmed, I want the people who watch the finished product to enjoy it. But they are not why I do it.
Most of the severe scenes I have done have been on camera, with tops that I don’t have a romantic or D/s relationship with. And they have been very rewarding scenes for me, and left me with some wonderful images. But they aren’t rewarding in the same way as a simple hand spanking from The Boss, which leaves me unable to say anything to him other than “do with me as you will”. They don’t give me the same sense of being secure, loved, and cared for.
Me curled up at The Boss’s feet, calm and cared for, doesn’t make for a shocking image. My caned bottom, running with blood would make a shocking image. My body, hanging from rope attached to an unlikely part of my body would make for a shocking image.
I wonder if the real thrill of looking at these images of severe play, and wanting it, is the same thrill we get when watching an athele excell at a sport we enjoy. We appreciate the skill, dedication, talent, and whatever else goes into their ability to push their bodies in ways we know, deep down we’ll never be able to. But that doesn’t stop us dreaming that we might someday be able to do it ourselves.